 |
||||||
 |
||||||
 |
||||||
 |
Saturday, January 05, 2008
For reasons too extensive and complicated, not to mention too sensitive, for the blogging world to know, I banished my depressed butt out of the net world. Occasional blog posts are on my Multiply account, but even that, the story which haunts my life for almost a year now cannot be seen. Only a few people know. Few as in few. Your left hand would be enough to count them. I stopped blogging when I found out my "situation" is too much, even for words, to handle. If I try to write about other things on this blog, a barrier too strong to push and too thick to drill myself into automatically appears. I live day after day on pretentious fields - I pretend I'm OK, I pretend I'm fine, I pretend my "situation" is so much lighter than a feather (thought it is strong enough to push me on the brink of taking my life). I look at the many faces around me everyday, knowing each carry their own burdens, but incomparable to mine. Maybe I'll tell the whole world what's happening with me. Maybe. Labels: The sad parts Posted by ice_edge at
Friday, August 03, 2007
Lights were dissolved in a haze as I gazed out the rain-washed window. Unintentionally, I meet the eyes of people I don't know, all of them with the same questioning glances, probably wondering whether I feel fine or not. I have always believed I was good - no, the best - in hiding how I feel. How come today felt like my troubles were painstakingly carved on my face? I was riding on an FX bound for home. It was a big fight I had with him, so much that If I were a dragon, I swear, your skin will be charred with fuming fire leaving my nostrils. Everything seemd illusory. I wasn’t drunk neither was I high on any drug, yet it was one of those moments when I can't quite figure out how the FX seemed to zoom from point A to point B. We were forced to end the day on a very bitter manner. What people used to witness - unending goodbyes, grudgingly held back kisses, and words craving for the next time we'll see each other - were replaced with two people separating as if they lived their lives without the knowledge of each other's existence. Eyes repelled, backs were turned. We both walked away with all the stinging words uttered burning the depths of our hearts. Rain poured hard amplifying the cold atmosphere inside the FX. Whether the coldness I felt was purely physical reaction or entirely emotional, I cannot tell. I tried to block my thoughts, tried not to think of him. But everytime I attempted to, images of what transpired that afternoon incessantly flashed, compelling me to succumb to them. In that vehicle where the only people left awake was me and the driver, that very same vehicle we rode on one late night when he wanted to make sure I arrived home safe, the vehicle that posted a huge photo of the wrestler Batista from that heck of a show he loved, that vehicle that is obviously abundant of things that reminded me of him, is where I tore away my mask and accepted that everything was my fault. Things could have been different if I had just lent an ear to listen and understood his explanations. He knew he did something wrong, but anyone can attest that he never meant to hurt me. The flow of painful words could have been prevented, if only... Stupid, stupid pride. It never really did me any good. If you want to know the answer to my questions, well, you got me there. I find it hard to lower my pride. I am deaf to reason once my preciously beloved pride gets in the way. And I can’t go down my skyscraper of pride and apologize. But when I do, I know that I truly am sorry for being unjustifiably deaf, for my illegal possession of high pride, and for not leaving that blasted skyscraper of mine. I just hope I can say it straight to him, and not type it all on my blog. Oh, yeah. Please do refer to my previous post. I know this post is a bit, well, mushy and irksome to a few, so comments are expected to be scarce. But my previous post is the real update for my month-long hiatus, so if you're allergic to the mushy things in life, you might want to read that. Hehe. Labels: Buhay pag-ibig Posted by ice_edge at
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Well, I don't expect everyone listed on my links to still visit my site. I mean, after all, I left cyberspace for more than a month. But I will still visit your sites, then you can choose whether I should remain on your links or not. *smile* Again, my apologies. So many things have transpired for the past couple of months. Some good, some bad. June 28 - The 18th Jaime V. Ongpin Awards for Excellence in Journalism (JVOAEJ) was held in Makati City. If I'm not mistaken, this is the Philippine counterpart of the Pulitzer Prize. June 29 - First year Anniversary! Yeah, well. I hate sounding cheesy, but hey, what the heck. That was one hell of a year I spent with him, and I'm still happy waking up knowing he's mine. There you go. Cheese beyond reaching. July 15 - My grandfather died. No words here. I think I'm still in my denial phase. For some reason, up to this day, I still haven't shed a tear for Papa. July 18 - My 20th Birthday. The day that I officially left my teenage years. How does it feel being 20? Erm, nothing considerably new. Except for a few thoughts concerning my maturity level. H0-hum. Maturity daw, o. Haha. Celebration, in its fullest form, wasn't present that day. Remember, my grandfather died three days before, so, more or less, my whole family and relatives were still engulfed with depression. July 23 - State of the Nation Address (SONA) Is this worth space on my blog? Arroyo did not address the true state of the nation. It was all her. All I can remember is a bunch of roads and airplanes, and many people standing up for their individual accomplishments. Pfft. How can she not address the many ails of the Filipino people? The rising number of extrajudicial killings, high unemployment, the Human Security Act, etc. Whatever the true state of the nation is, she did not mention it in her SONA. It was all her, and for Pete's sake, she is NOT the nation! July 29 - 13th Monthsary There's my update. I am SO sorry for the uber long hiatus. I've been so busy with school, I hardly had time to boot up my computer, except whenever I have to work on various papers. My 21 units are killing me, I swear. How are y'all? Labels: String of Narratives Posted by ice_edge at
Saturday, June 09, 2007
I'm breathing what's left of my vacation. I'm keep doing things I know I can't give time to when school starts its slow torture. I have a lot of things compiled in my head, and I'm in constant search for an outlet. That's why my hands are either holding a pen, a paintbrush, or various coloring materials. Outlet. Everything's even too much to put on my blog. Sad, sad, sad. On the bright side of things... Well, uh, I can't think of any right now. Hehe. Hope y'all had a fun summer! :D Labels: School Tales, The sad parts Posted by ice_edge at
Thursday, May 24, 2007
 Top (from Left): Tine, Ces, Rachel, Edgar, Yasmine, Jayson, AprilBottom (from left): Celia, Harry, Kuya Raymund, Yours truly, Myca For the longest time, I do not have friends that I can actually call, well, 'friends' in its truest form. Since I had a kid at a young age, I resigned myself to the fact that I am bound to lose my social life. Parties, movies, hanging out, mall, heart-to-heart talks -- all gone. My life revolved around my kid, my studies, and my kid again. I forgot how it felt like to be in a group of people who treats me like I'm one of them, like I belong. You guys gave me back that feeling. Celia, Edgar, Harry, Tine, Ces, Rachel, Ella, Yas, Jayson, April, Amae, Myca... thanks, guys. Ang kumalimot, may bulate sa utak. From the archives of the ever-trusty YouTube: "I believe" by Yolanda Adams Labels: String of Narratives Posted by ice_edge at
Monday, May 21, 2007
Just when you start acting maturely, they begin to act like kids. Ako pa ngayon ang unfair? Labels: Asar Posted by ice_edge at
Monday, May 14, 2007
To everyone who exercised their right to vote today (May 14), I pray that it was done on well thought-out and responsible grounds. Hindi bara-bara. Hindi na-impluwensiyahan ng kung anuman o sinuman. Pinag-isipan. Hindi ibinase sa kung ilang beses lumitaw ang kandidato sa telebisyon. Hindi ibinase sa kung gaano kalakas pinabanguhan ang mga masangsang at walang lamang pangako. Hindi ibinase sa ka-gwapuhan/kagandahan, sa husay umindak o umawit, o sa kung gaano kasikat ang mga artistang sumusuporta rito. Sa demokrasya, nasa kamay ng mamamayan ang pagpili sa mga taong ilalagak sa upuang nagsasabing sila na ang bagong lider ng bayan. Oo, kurakot ang mayorya ng mga taong nasa itaas ngayon. Mandaraya, lalung-lalo na iyong hindi-masabi-kung-may-konsensiya-pang tao na nakaupo sa pinakamataas na posisyon ng bansa. Pero hindi nangangahulugang dapat natin silang tularan. Labing-walong taong gulang o pataas ka na. Marunong ka na umisip ng tama sa maling gawain. Gamitin ang utak, hindi iyon nakamamatay. Sabi mo'y gusto mo ng pagbabago? Sana'y inayos at hindi mo nilaro ang iyong boto. Labels: Politics: Opinions/Stands Posted by ice_edge at |
 |
The Blogger in One Sentence Current News Interests/ Thanks to:
for the blogskin:Blogskin kindly. SHOUT. archives linkages credits |
 |
||
